bad daughter

4/23/23

You conceived me in your youth

In bliss and ignorance

The first of ten you thought, but really two

I came to you quickly

When Iove was still blind

You knew you wanted me

And also knew who you wanted me to be

And you loved me for it

I was a shy girl

Observing your emotions and reactions like my life depended on it

Everything I said had a commentary

Meddling into my every whim and motion

My favorite memories are alone

Playing in the snow

Drawing in my room

Playing music, writing out my thoughts in a song helped me feel them without acknowledging it was me that was feeling it

My mother broke my heart

She was supposed to hold me til she died

Then I would hold her in my heart

Now she’s reaching out, but her hands are tied behind her back

With the wake of devastation left behind her

And she wonders why

Why can’t I bare to see her cry

Her tears of joy like like sorrow wrapped in lies

My mother broke my heart and I feel such shame

I love her and I long for someone else

How dare I feel this way

I broke my mothers heart

And she doesn’t know why

Her love is so obnoxious

That I shutter inside

I broke my mothers heart

and build a wall around mine

I want to break the dam

But it’s keeping me alive

Disappointment, anger, contempt and disdain

For her and from her

I feel scared and ashamed

Would she love or despise me

If I told her the truth

That her presence makes me wince

When she enters the room

image credit: Pinterest