where do I begin…

I am the type of person who tinkers with things for a long time before sharing them. Most of the time I never share them. There is a chance this blog will remain a secret tinker. But there has been too much pouring out of the crevices of my heart and mind to keep inside…or on my notes app or journal.

Before I first started writing out my thoughts and feelings, they would swirl around me like a giant wind gust had blown all my sticky notes off the wall of my mind. I imagined every time I suppressed a part of myself, it would get written on a sticky note in my mind or body for later. But later never came because I never checked the notes. Now they were blowing away and I couldn’t catch them. I needed to read what they said so I could figure out what was so upsetting inside of me.

It has taken thousands of hours and days to recover the messages my subconscious left for me. I hope I can be brave enough to follow this pull inside of me to share them. Writing has become both a decluttering of myself and a cathartic art project.

My hope is that even just a few will feel a kinship as I share the last few years of profound discovery, deconstruction, grief, and healing I have and still continue to experience.

And so I begin…

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